Didn’t you almost have it all?

I am deeply saddened today by the news of Whitney Houston’s death yesterday. Her music filled many of the happy and sad memories I have as a young girl growing up.  Indeed her voice was often the backdrop to many lonely times filled with insecurities and fears but also to many joyful experiences with my most loved ones. As a young girl I grew up to admire her God-given talent, her elegance and beauty, never knowing that though to the world she had it all, she lacked the one thing without which life becomes a constant struggle, a pool of despair, an impossibility.  She lacked inner peace and the ability to not lean in her own understanding, but in the knowledge that despite our frailty and weaknesses, God is able, in the knowledge that though at times we may feel like we do have it all and are self-sufficient, apart from God we can do nothing, without his grace and mercy, we are nothing.

Years ago my husband and I had the privilege of seeing her live in concert in London and she was everything I ever imagined her to be and more, though even then it was apparent that behind the glamour and the success, laid dormant much pain, sadness and self-doubt.

Dear Whitney,

May you finally rest in peace. May the Lord bless you and keep you.  You were a shooting star who shone bright and whose journey was brief but memorable nonetheless.  You will be missed and remembered.

Here she is performing my favourite song by her.

8 thoughts on “Didn’t you almost have it all?

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  1. To the other weirdo,

    What you see as pushing an agenda, I see as expressing my personal opinion in what is after all my personal blog. I am not imposing my views on anybody but simply sharing my thoughts. Those who choose to enter this site, do it at their peril and by choice. If you disagree or feel offended in any way by my words, perhaps you shouldn’t visit this site again? I don’t feel however I have been disrespectful in any way, and if I have, that was not my intention, and I feel at peace that that is the case.

    Could it be that you are the one with the agenda? You subscribed to my site over a year ago, and this is the first comment you have left in a very long time. Why subscribe to something you clearly disapprove off if not to wait for and seek opportunities for confrontation?

  2. I subscribed to quite a few blogs before meat life interfered. I haven’t blogged in quite some time, too, but I still use the same accou for commenting. Besides, there hasn’t been a post I wanted to comment on in a while. In addition, I don’t merely subscribe to blogs I agree with. How else can I review my own beliefs if I’m always stewing in the same soup.

    I am not here for confrontation. It is true,.this is your personal blog, but you have opened commenting to the public. Like you, I am stating a personal opinion. And in my personal opinion,it is rude to use a recently dead woman’s supposed lack of a connection to God to make the claims(stated as your ersonal opinion) that you made.

    Really, this is just a continuation of the same double-standard. Atheist must shut up unless he agrees with whatever is under discussion,while the other person can(and frequently does) say anything at all. I see it all the time.

    But this isn’t even about that. Your post suggests that if only she believed as you do, God would’ve taken care of everything. And that’s patently untrue. This sounds harsh, doesn’t it? It’s not meant to be. We CAN solve our own, human, problems.

    1. Hi The Other Weirdo,

      It would be good to have a name to whom address these replies.

      I understand your point about subscribing to blogs which content you disagree with in order to review your own beliefs and keep yourself in check, but I also know having been through that journey myself more than once and having taken different paths, the conclusions I obtained where the same every time, and so whilst I am all for hearing and considering other people’s views, I guard and keep my convictions very close to my heart, because that is what they are: convictions, born out of personal experiences which cannot be challenged or denied, as it was me who was at the center of such experiences and learning. I therefore do not consider someone who is focused on one thing, one belief, one path, to be stewing in their own soup. I simply believe them to have integrity, conviction, determination and consistency. And I admire and have a certain envy of those who have found that one thing they were looking for and never look back or doubt. I know what I believe in but I would be lying if I did not say that sometimes doubts creep in and discouragement creeps in. Nonetheless, the basis of my faith remains as does the pillar that sustains it. I think that deserves respect and not criticism.

      Of course I have opened my commenting space. I am not an autocrat, tyrant and totalitarian person who surrounds themselves with only people who agree with them. That would be foolish and simply following a path full of blind spots that sooner or later are going to catch up with me.

      I open my comment space because I love hearing other people’s views on what I write about ,including those who disagree with me like yourself. Note I did not block your comment which I could have done if I loved the sound of my own ramblings too much and if I wanted to keep control of how readers understand the way my ramblings are received by others and the effect they have, if any.

      I could say that you were rude by putting me in the category of the double-standard Christian, the likes of whom I have had personal experiences with and I know exist. Indeed, I was once banned from leaving comments on the site of a pastor who pastored my church years ago, because my comments were challenging the way he did things. Instead of lovingly replying to my comments as you would expect from a brother in Christ whom I loved and respected, he blotted me out of his world completely and denied me the opportunity to engage in discussion with him, which hurt a great deal as you can imagine coming from someone I had looked up to for years. I learnt to understand it was the person who was flawed, weak and in love with the sound of his voice, and not the God he preached about.

      I am not that kind of person who likes their ears tickled. If I was, your comments to this post would not be open to the public. You have a right to your views as have I. I was just surprised that after so many months of being subscribed to my blog, you left a comment which oozed disdain and disapproval. It felt like you had been waiting for a long time for the opportunity to jump right at my jugular.

      My admiration of Whitney’s music, talent and beauty was and is genuine and my feelings of deep sadness for her death are very genuine too. I have seen and met people whose encounter with the living God broke the chains of addiction and despair and my post was simply a reflection of what would have been the outcome to Whitney’s life had she found hope and strength in the spirit of Christ? Either way, whether you disagree or not, I believe God remains in control of it all, the good and the bad and only He knows why things happen the way they do, even for Whitney.

      I did not imply in my post that if Whitney had believed in God, He would have taken care of everything. I don’t know whether she believed or not, but by her own admission she had a drug addiction which in the end proved too powerful and destructive. She was in a constant battle with personal demons which in the end overcame her. My point was simply that she looked for peace and release from these demons in the wrong places. She trusted in her own knowledge and reality instead of in God’s wisdom. My faith shows me that only through Christ we are able to ovecome this type of personal battle. Yes, some drug addicts, alcoholics or victims of other addictions do overcome them by themselves (though I know from personal experience for those who do that there are always moments of desperate surrender to God and acknowledgement that only He can give us the power to be released from these monsters, even if once that addiction has been overcome they deny the God who came to their help in their darkest hour), but there are those who despite the help of relatives, the means to have the best possible treatments, it is just not humanly possible for them to overcome, and giving in is easier than continueing battling on, because they are battling on in their own strength which is frail and imperfect.

      I have suicide and alcohol and drug addiction in my own family and I know the kind of despair and fear I am talking about, so please don’t do the very thing you are accussing me of: don’t label me a double-standard, intolerant, judgemental and rude Christian, who shuts up the rest of the world who does not see as I see. I welcome you and your opinions. I simply disagree because my life experiences have taken me to understand life and the world as I do.

      I hope you can find what you are looking for, and I welcome you to my blog any time you wish. I simply ask that you respect where I am coming from and where I have got to, as I respect the journey you yourself are on.


  3. Hi Darrell,

    Thank you so much for getting in touch and for confirming something which I suspected. I have read your testimony and am grateful that you left a comment here as you are clear evidence and a witness that it is God’s love which in our darkest moments reaches out to us and if we are willing and open to Him, He will rescue us from the most painful and hopeless of circumstances and situations.

    God bless you for your courage and determination, for your trust in God and humility, for recognising that it was God’s grace and mercy and not your own power that brought you from the darkness into the light.

    I look forward to getting to know you better through your blog.

    Only last night I watched a documentary about Whitney, her rise and fall, and the curse and death sentence hidden in the depths of her life which drug addiction is to so many people. Though the person who commented before you accused me of speaking of someone I knew nothing about, her drug addiction was very well documented and publicly self-confessed, so I don’t think I was out of turn in speaking of something the whole world already knew about.

    I feel so sad for having lost Whitney to such an evil in this world, but I also rejoice in the knowledge that others like yourself were able to overcome by the power of Jesus Christ who overcame even death on a cross. Why God allowed for Whitney to loose that battle? Only He knows and that is as it should be. Who am I to question the God of all creation? Whatever happened in her life is now between her and God. I simply give thanks for her gift and the joy she brought to millions of us with her presence, wonderful voice and style of singing. Her unpleasantness at times was the drugs talking and not the person so I will always continue to see in her the beauty inside and out and the potential God blessed her with, because that is how God sees her, that is how God sees all of his creation.


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