A man is what his wife sees, as a woman is what her husband sees

I just listened to a 15 minute interview Paul Washer gave entitled “Stop worshiping and idolizing celebrity preachers”,  during which he openly admits to suffering with depression at times which is encouraging as I am up and down like a yoyo most of the time.  There is a lot of good stuff condensed in those 15 minutes, but the statement that really made me stop on my tracks this morning was:  “A man is what his wife sees”.  Oh my goodness, that was so convicting I nearly turned the iPod off.

I was so mean to my husband this weekend.  I was totally immersed in frustration as the weekend passed by in front of my very eyes and my husband was absent for a lot of it, because he was either working in the office, sailing with  a friend, doing a first-aid course provided by our church, etc.  Since he lost his job last year and he started his new business, there is little time for anything else.  Money is tight right now and I can’t really splash out on the things I once could, like taking the children out for the day to do some fun activity or whatever, so we spent a lot of the weekend in and I was complaining for most of it.  I feel a bit sick when I think about it. 

Then I read some of the stuff I write on the blog and realised how I can come across as “holier than thou” a lot of the time, and quite frankly I feel tempted to quit the blog for good and get on my knees instead.  Please do not be fooled by my words.  The real me is the one you do not see when I turn the laptop off and get on with the rest of my day.  Believe me. It is ugly, but the good news is that I am a work in progress and that I am not going to give up just because I keep failing to be more Christ-like in the little things and the big things.  I am in the race of faith, and I am no quitter, so by Jesus’ grace and daily mercies, I will conquer and I will finish what He alone has started in me.

Isn’t it amazing how we can follow in other people’s steps, teaching, wisdom, and apparent integrity and consistency, and yet little do we know the kind of person they are at home, behind closed doors, to those who truly know them?  

Another one of the points Washer tries to make in this interview is one I raised a few posts ago, where I mentioned the insatiable attitude of some Christians, a lot of them pastors and other church leaders, who seek after other Big Names’ teachings, which may or may not have been learnt in the fire of affliction or in their solitude with God.  The problem with this is, of course, that we do not know the reality in these people’s hearts, not really, and so if we focus and base our christianity and our faith on their statements, teachings and direction, we may be in for a very, very big and LIFE-THREATENING fall.  We need to arrive to our own conclusions through intimacy with God and the pondering and meditation of HIS WORD, in a humble and prayerful attitude always remembering not to be puffed up by what we hear and see in those special moments, always remembering that our true self is the one our dearest and closest ones witness every single day at home.  Otherwise we are not preaching, teaching, encouraging, edifying, prophesying to others based on the word of God, but based on someone else’s findings and revelation.  So when you look at the bigger picture, you may realise too little too late that you have potentially misled thousands of people.

Another interesting thing Washer said was: “Do you know what scares me the most? It is if all of a sudden the limelight dies down and no one cares to hear me preach any more.  That is not what bothers me.  What scares me is this: that at that moment, my true heart is going to be revealed.  What will it look like?” 

Oh my……if only more of the church leadership today could breath daily this very same thought and act accordingly.  If you are a pastor, evangelist, prophet, teacher or apostle and you are reading this, please ponder on this question? If God was to take it all away now, your ministry, your fame, the limelight, people’s seeking after your knowledge and anointing, would you still be the same person?  What would people begin to see in your heart, that they did not see before?  The answer you give to this question and how you act upon that answer is, I fear, a matter of life or death not only for yourself but for many of those who follow or are led by you.


Jeremiah 6:16 (119 kb)

10 thoughts on “A man is what his wife sees, as a woman is what her husband sees

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  1. Hi friend. Your post has deeply stirred my heart. Why, because I realize that what God spoke to me sometime back is quite true to the bone. When I started blogging, I soon noticed that people keep blogging/or reblogging other people’s stuff. Then God spoke to my heart and said, “I DO NOT WANT YOU TO WRITE THAT WHICH YOU HAVE NOT LIVED/EXPERIENCED.’ In other words, you have to preach what is borne out of conviction…out of your personal walk with the Lord.

    You are right on track in this race of life!



  2. Hi Gladwell,

    Thank you so much for visiting my blog and for your words of encouragement.

    I think that there is a huge difference in the effect our writing will have on our readers depending on whether we are writing out of something we have experienced and learnt through our circumstances or out of what someone else shares.

    God bless you and may He always be the inspiration behind your writing.

  3. God will always test us on the words that he gives us to write! I have had to walk through every one of my articles. Many times I have failed and had to go through it again. But that is why I can speak with such conviction for I have lived everything that I write! I know my God won’t fail because I have been in the furnace and he was with me.
    The same is true for you. God is taking you through each word that he gives you. You might fall when you shut off your computer and go back to life, but you still are holding on to the truth that you know because you know your God. You are an encouragement to others because despite your weaknesses, you have such a heart for Christ.

    God bless you, my friend, and keep up the good work.

  4. Dear Marianne,

    Thank you for your lovely comment.

    It means a lot to me that those words have come from you.

    God bless you

  5. Amen to all of the above! I think any kind of writing, whether it be books or blogging, must grow out of something the Lord is doing in us personally. Maybe that’s why I don’t write everyday–because it takes time for me to really “get” what the Lord is saying and doing 🙂

    You are dearly loved by the Lord and only accountable to Him! We reap the blessings!

    1. Hi Linda,

      That is a lovely thing to say and I really appreciate it.

      May the Lord bless you as you bless others.

  6. Now for me, I am passionate in my writing and in my Christianity, but for most of my life, I am an easy-going guy who likes to have fun. I like jokes and humorous stories.

    In fact, back when I ministered and preached often, people were always amazed that I was fun to be around as if I needed to be a sorrowful in order to be holy.

    Do I have trials? Oh boy, do I ever. Are we going through some right now? Oh my, yes. Some of them are the worst ever.

    I picture Jesus in His earthly ministry as being sober and serious when He needed to be, but enjoying Himself and having fun when He could. After all, people enjoyed being with Him.

    So, I do my best to enjoy the journey as much as possible.

  7. Larry,

    I appreciate your comment but I am not entirely sure that it bears relevance to the content of the post.

    The issue discussed in this post is not whether we need to appear to be miserable all the time or to not have any joy and fun in our life in order to have a more impactful testimony, in order to appear “holier than thou”.

    The issue discussed here is about being the same person out in public or with our friends and acquaintances as we are at home, and about the deceiving impact we may have on hundreds of others who may put us up on a pedestal, because we portray ourselves to be a life transformed beyond recognition by the power of the Holy Spirit, when in reality and behind closed doors we continue to be the same person and perhaps an even worse person for hiding our hypocrisy behind a “I have been transformed by the hand of God” exterior, which so many in church leadership display these days.

    The bigger the deception in the life of the one that leads, the bigger the fall for those who are following. It is a massive responsibility that church leaders often will not take seriously, and it is not just the responsibility of church leaders, but of every person who calls themselves a Christian. Though most of us do not have a public platform to operate from, we may still be affecting the lives of many and we don’t even know it. I’d rather err on the side of vulnerability and transparency than on the side of confidence and wisdom, because when we get to a point where we think too highly of ourselves for having “made it” as Christians, we no longer operate on the strength of the spirit within us, but on our own strength.

    This post is not about joy versus misery in the life of a Christian but all about honesty versus hypocrisy.

    I read somewhere that the point of our life is to point to Jesus. Only a life that is true, humble, consistent, honest and transparent in public as well as in private can in my experience truly point to Jesus.

    If transparency means misery as a result of exposing all of myself, warts and all, then so be it. Then at least I have peace that I did not lure anyone to follow Jesus under false pretences. When I have that internal peace, is when my true joy can come.

    Thanks Larry

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