I just listened to a 15 minute interview Paul Washer gave entitled “Stop worshiping and idolizing celebrity preachers”, during which he openly admits to suffering with depression at times which is encouraging as I am up and down like a yoyo most of the time. There is a lot of good stuff condensed in those 15 minutes, but the statement that really made me stop on my tracks this morning was: “A man is what his wife sees”. Oh my goodness, that was so convicting I nearly turned the iPod off.
I was so mean to my husband this weekend. I was totally immersed in frustration as the weekend passed by in front of my very eyes and my husband was absent for a lot of it, because he was either working in the office, sailing with a friend, doing a first-aid course provided by our church, etc. Since he lost his job last year and he started his new business, there is little time for anything else. Money is tight right now and I can’t really splash out on the things I once could, like taking the children out for the day to do some fun activity or whatever, so we spent a lot of the weekend in and I was complaining for most of it. I feel a bit sick when I think about it.
Then I read some of the stuff I write on the blog and realised how I can come across as “holier than thou” a lot of the time, and quite frankly I feel tempted to quit the blog for good and get on my knees instead. Please do not be fooled by my words. The real me is the one you do not see when I turn the laptop off and get on with the rest of my day. Believe me. It is ugly, but the good news is that I am a work in progress and that I am not going to give up just because I keep failing to be more Christ-like in the little things and the big things. I am in the race of faith, and I am no quitter, so by Jesus’ grace and daily mercies, I will conquer and I will finish what He alone has started in me.
Isn’t it amazing how we can follow in other people’s steps, teaching, wisdom, and apparent integrity and consistency, and yet little do we know the kind of person they are at home, behind closed doors, to those who truly know them?
Another one of the points Washer tries to make in this interview is one I raised a few posts ago, where I mentioned the insatiable attitude of some Christians, a lot of them pastors and other church leaders, who seek after other Big Names’ teachings, which may or may not have been learnt in the fire of affliction or in their solitude with God. The problem with this is, of course, that we do not know the reality in these people’s hearts, not really, and so if we focus and base our christianity and our faith on their statements, teachings and direction, we may be in for a very, very big and LIFE-THREATENING fall. We need to arrive to our own conclusions through intimacy with God and the pondering and meditation of HIS WORD, in a humble and prayerful attitude always remembering not to be puffed up by what we hear and see in those special moments, always remembering that our true self is the one our dearest and closest ones witness every single day at home. Otherwise we are not preaching, teaching, encouraging, edifying, prophesying to others based on the word of God, but based on someone else’s findings and revelation. So when you look at the bigger picture, you may realise too little too late that you have potentially misled thousands of people.
Another interesting thing Washer said was: “Do you know what scares me the most? It is if all of a sudden the limelight dies down and no one cares to hear me preach any more. That is not what bothers me. What scares me is this: that at that moment, my true heart is going to be revealed. What will it look like?”
Oh my……if only more of the church leadership today could breath daily this very same thought and act accordingly. If you are a pastor, evangelist, prophet, teacher or apostle and you are reading this, please ponder on this question? If God was to take it all away now, your ministry, your fame, the limelight, people’s seeking after your knowledge and anointing, would you still be the same person? What would people begin to see in your heart, that they did not see before? The answer you give to this question and how you act upon that answer is, I fear, a matter of life or death not only for yourself but for many of those who follow or are led by you.