Isaiah 57:15 (48 kb)

For the last few weeks I have had a deep cry in my heart which I knew was there, but I have been trying to numb it with life’s busyness and ephemeral pursuits.  I can’t believe the amount of energy, time and effort I can sometimes put in preparing and planning for things that lie ahead in my life and that of my family, and yet, although in Christ I am a new creation and I know where I am going, I do not invest half as much time preparing for such a lofty destiny.

Last weekend, it had been weeks since I had picked up my bible for longer than 10 minutes at a time; it had been weeks since I had purposefully made time to pray and be in God’s presence; it had been weeks since I had spent some considerable time asking God:  What next?.  I share this with you because in order to be able to follow Christ, one needs to remain real and true to oneself and others, and I will not be the one who sits and writes in judgement of others when there is so much idolatry and unfaithfulness to God in my own life.  I have been doing a lot of that in the past and although at the time I felt called to expose certain things taking place in the Body of Christ, to rebuke and exhort, to cry out loud and to plead to other Christians to open their eyes and see the reality of many in the Body of Christ today which does not reflect, represent or honour Christ, I feel that today is the beginning of a new season; an introspective season where in order to gain more revelation and knowledge as to where I need to be and we need to be as a body, first I need to look within and re-tune certain areas in my own life which I have recently neglected and need to re-focus on and allow God to develop one stage further.

As I stood there in my kitchen pleading forgiveness to God for once again putting His purposes and those things that break His heart in the back burner of my life, I could sense God’s presence and Jesus’ eyes piercing right through mine; I could sense the hurt in a loving God who is not only neglected by those whose stubborness and pride blinds them from the truth, but more worryingly and inexcusably so, by those who know the truth and yet, have allowed for their love for the Lord to grow cold as the here and now takes the front seat of their life.  I am one of those people.  I have recently lost sight of where I am going, of who lifted me up of the wrong path and placed me by grace on the right one; I have fallen trap to the lies of the enemy which fooled me into believing that if I let my guard down for just a few weeks, I would be able to retake my spiritual journey where I left it.  Nothing is further from the truth.  When we falter; when we are weak and fail to maintain our disciplines to pray, abide and meditate on the word of God and carry His presence with us wherever we go, whatever we do, we create a massive wedge which not only is hard to put back together, but which makes room for all sorts of earthly things and pursuits to creep into our life and dissuade us from our calling in Christ set before our time.

Although these were not my exact words as I prayed, the lyrics in the song below pretty much describe the plead that came out of my mouth last weekend as I realised how desperately I really need Jesus in my life.  You see, this is the problem with many Christians today.  We think that just because in our own eyes we are ok with God because we have not committed a major crime or sin, we can by-pass His first and main commandment to love Him with all our heart, all our soul and all our strength, to love Him above all else; we can just do a few good deeds here and there, go to church most Sundays, and attend a few prayer meetings, and in our eyes and in our limited knowledge we convince ourselves that we are being true to Christ.  We keep forgetting He can see right through us; nothing is hidden from Him.  We think that a full, content and blessed life is the result of a life well lived, honouring God every now and then and loving our neighbour occasionally, but these things fall so short of our true calling in Christ.  We may think our full lives in this world are a reflection of the condition of our heart and our right standing with God, but Jesus said that those who wanted to keep their life would lose it and those who lost their life for Him would gain it.

To live as God calls us to live, being in this world but knowing that we are not of it, we do not belong in it, implies a radical change in the way we do life.  Though we think we are so alive, so accomplished in our personal pursuits, we are so spiritually dead.  When we feel our happiest in the world’s sense of the word, is normally when we are furthest from God, because the God of the Bible, The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit call us to a life of sacrifice where to live is Christ; it is all about Christ, for Christ and in Christ, and to die to self is gain though whilst we are on this earth, dying to self is so painful and hard to achieve, because our fleshly nature and the incessant prods of the enemy have an incredibly strong pull which we can only fight and overcome by the grace of God.

God is a forgiving God, full of mercy and compassion with those whose hearts are genuinely repentant and contrite.  Do not fear to come to Him in utter defeat, in shame, empty, for He will ALWAYS pick you up and restore the pieces of your heart; He will BREATHE his Spirit into your life again; He will fill you with a new breath, a new life and a new revelation of who He is and what is on His heart; He will never leave you nor forsake you.  He IS the God portrayed in the parable of the prodigal son who rejoices when the lost son comes back after some time of being astray and unfaithful.  It is never too late to start again.  In fact, I think we all need to humble ourselves regularly and ask for more of His grace, more of His Spirit, more of His love, not because He ever stopped giving it to us, but because it will keep us real, genuine, authentic, humble, and in the very spot, the only spot in the spiritual realm where He can transform us and grow us into the person He wants us to be; the only place where whatever we do for Him and in His name will be purely and solely for His praise and His glory, and not our own.


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  1. In a survey of Evangelical pastors in America, it was discovered the average pastor spent less than ten minutes a day in prayer; and as far as Bible study, it was nil, except for sermon preparation.

    Busyness and ministry can be traps which lure us away from what the Apostle Paul said counted most, “That I might know Him…”

  2. I can believe that and I feel ashamed to admit that although I am not in a remunerated church role, my fervour and commitment to the Lord varies in its intensity depending on how busy my life is at any given time. If those in church leadership who are meant to set an example on how to develop a relationship with the Lord, are consumed by the pursuits of their own goals within ministry, there is little hope for those who follow. In any case, we should never follow our church leaders but our Lord Jesus Christ. Our faith would be so much more authentic and inspiring to others, if we all just followed Jesus and not everybody else.

    I can only seek God’s forgiveness and hope that with God’s grace and my continued repentance, I can move forward and “know Him” more each day.

  3. On a normal basis, I spend a lot of time alone with the Lord. But at times or in whole seasons, my spiritual life is interrupted by my wife, my family, vacations, job requirements, etc. This use to bug me, as in really bug me.

    But even in this, I’ve had to learn how to trust in the Lord’s grace. Part of me believes that it is the Lord Himself who does this just so I have another issue to work through so that I will trust Him even more.

  4. The amazing thing is that He never leaves us nor forsakes us. As I described on my last post, I was on my knees with repentance last Saturday as I felt I had conveninently shut the Lord out of my life as “there were more pressing matters to attend to”. I have always been very cynical about “people speaking in tongues in public”, more than that, I did not believe it was possible. I was convinced that 80% of those who publicly speak in tongues fake it, until one day a couple of years ago as I was going through one of those seasons when all you long for is to seek the Lord with all your heart, all your mind and all your strength, I started to pray, meditate on the Word, listen to worship music and have little breaks in between. As I repeated this process a couple of times, my mouth suddenly overtook my mind and total foreign words unlike any language I have ever heard, started coming out of my mouth. The words or sounds themselves did not shock me as much as the incredible speed with which I was uttering them. It was a morning I will never, ever forget because I was so humbled by my unbelief in God’s power to manifest itself in that way and many other unimaginable, inexplicable ways. As the reciting of total strange words out of my mouth ceased, I could see for the very first time in my life how holy God really is and how imperfect I really am. I started sobbing unstoppably and I felt an inmense release for all the past hurts and heartaches which I had experienced up to that point. This experience humbled me to the core, but it also healed me in a way which no doctor or pill can heal for it is the heart and the spirit of a person God is interested in, and not so much in offering us the comfort of a painless life.

    I tell you all this because ever since that one time when I found myself speaking in tongues, which up to that point I was convinced was the result of some people’s very active imagination, I have only been able to be in that kind of space with God on very few and far between moments of my daily time with Him. In these last few months, this occurrence has been becoming more and more rare to the point that I ceased to seek that kind of encounter where me stops and God takes over, because I felt if I sought after it, I would end up not being able to tell whether it was genuine or whether I was faking it, as I longed for it so much.

    But last weekend, as I desperately wanted time with the Lord after weeks of being concerned with worldly issues and pursuits, whilst my husband and kids were out, I immediately played my worship music which I know is not for everybody but for me is an immediate transmitter/receiver of God’s grace, love and mercy, and as soon as I felt repentance overflowing in my heart and a real sense of letting Him down, my mouth took over once again as if it was no longer part of my own body, but it had become detached from it and it was being fed from the Heavens. I know that you personally know what I am talking about and that is why I am sharing this with you. It is something very intimate, but at the same time we need to be courageous and share with the world the wonderful blessings that fall upon those who put their faith and trust in the Lord Jesus Christ and His promise to intercede to the Father on our behalf.

    I shut God out of my life for a few weeks, and yet, the moment I came to Him in spirit and in truth, He totally overwhelmed me with His presence, His Spirit and His love. He is Holy and I am not and I will continue to let Him down so many times but I am His child and as such He will forgive me and pick me up from my failures, mistakes and my indifference each time, so long as I truly repent and mean to become more like Him, that is.

    God is faithful, so faithful!

    Bless you Larry!

  5. I believe that the biggest tool in the arsenal of the enemy in these ending days is DISTRACTION! I can’t believe how easily distracted I am in my prayer life! What has happened to my fervor for the Lord? Am I taking his grace for granted and just living the complacent life? May it never be! I just pray that we overcome the distractions of the enemy by the blood of the Lamb! He is worthy!

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